PROP. 2

"Proposition 2: The constitutional amendment providing that marriage in this state consists only of the union of one man and one woman and prohibiting this state or a political subdivision of this state from creating or recognizing any legal status identical or similar to marriage."

Mostly tried to ignore the rage and sickening feeling in my stomach today. Last night was something of a blow.

Texans weighed in the vote to ban any marriages other than that of a single man and single woman, and the final results were against the ban on gay marriages 33 percent to 63 percent for the ban on gay marriages. (Overall Dallas voter turnout was 16 percent.) My Theory is that people who felt very strongly on either pro or con turned out to be heard. The rest who were ambivalent or unaware of the specifics of the election stayed home.

Whatever the ultimate impetus was, this still hurt quite a bit. I never really believed the ban would fail, but I WAS hoping for more of a neck and neck result. Why do I keep living here? Why don't I just pack the shit up and MOVE?!

The Religious Right does a fine job with the propaganda that homosexuality is a sick, deviant illness that can spread if not contained.

My life is not an agenda.

The sad truth is there are still many, many people who don't now (or know they know) gay people, and will continue to live in ignorance until our voices cannot be ignored anymore. And we won't be ignored. Every year we get stronger. Every year we fight harder. And every year that sick agenda that the conservatists cling to becomes more and more implausible.

Sorry, we ain't going anywhere. And ultimately we will defeat the attitudes they are desperately trying to spread. We will vanquish the lies they spread that hurt us, our families and friends and our children. We are strong in ways you cannot begin to imagine.

And we WILL prevail.

Musings on Life After 12th Night

"If Musicke be the food of Loue, play on!"


("Give me excess of it!" Pictured above: Valerie Hauss-Smith as Olivia and Marcus M. Mauldin as Orsino)

For those of you who came to see 12th Night with Shakespeare Dallas I am unduly grateful. My actors were hot, skilled and did a bang up job. The set and costumes were outstanding. I was truly blessed with the best designers, ops, managment and construction on the planet.


("For the rain it raineth every day." Pictured: Julie Osborn Morton as Viola and Scott Barber as Feste)

Our Feste played a live electric guitar on stage (with superbly measured sound engineering by Chris Devany). 'Oh Mistress Mine' became a real metal anthem in his hands. Scott wrote all of the music for Shakespeare's lyrics, and each night as he shredded and bellowed along with Kevin Grammer's Sir Andrew Augucheek and Anthony Ramirez's Sir Toby Belch it droves the audiences wild.


(The Welcome to Illyria Billboard- Pictured above left to right: Anthony L. Ramirez as Sir Toby Belch, Rosaura Cruz as Maria, John Forkner as Malvolio and Valerie Hauss-Smith as Lady Olivia)

It was a nerve-rackingly large debut, and it was the experience of a lifetime for me. I even had a fun profile piece written about me in our local gay paper, The Dallas Voice.

("Be a MAN, baby!" Pictured above Julie Osborn Morton as Viola and Kevin Grammer as Sea Captain)


Many, many things were affirmed during the experience. I was able to prove to myself that (aside from the givens of disipline and trust) generosity and humor were also key to a harmonious experience. One of the best things about the rehearsal was when the actors would contribute to the concept and discover as they went along. I firmly believe that willingness to hear other ideas is crucial to a healthy experience.


(Some buttery barn! Pictured above- Rosaura Cruiz as Maria)

There were many rewarding moments, and in this the performers made my day again and again. In the end I felt both trusted and respected, and that in itself was satisfying enough.



("O Mistress Mine!" The Boys rock out with Feste- pictured above: Kevin Grammer as Andrew, Scott Barber as Feste and Anthony L. Ramirez as Toby. The lighting design was done by Tristan Decker)

I don't suffer Shakespeare Snobs well. Many of his plays have clown roles in them (even Macbeth has the Drunken Porter); the drama was big and the laughs were big too. In this directing Shakespeare can be a frustrating, thankless job. Often people who know their Shakespeare consider themselves to be the sole authority of the play at hand, and waste no time in judging how directors and actors handle the material. Unless you're at the fucking RSC, you'll probably please few of these Shakespearian authorities no matter HOW you interpret the text.


(Da Fool! Pictured below: Scott Barber as Feste)

However, I must confess the few barbs I heard ultimately didn't bother me. We came a long way, I was damn proud of the production and we did unreal numbers in attendance. (650 people saw the show the final Saturday night in Addison. That blows my mind.)


("There is no way but this, Sir Andrew." Pictured above: Nate Dendy as Fabian)

But man, those audiences! We had some wild nights. Rock Star nights. On Saturday night, Feste's last song stopped the show for nearly a minute. It was a thing of great joy and beauty, and each night as I hovered in the back of the audience chain smoking, I fell in love with each cast member over and over again.


(Me in Addison- Pictured above on Claire Floyd DeVries glorious set. Dave Tenney oversaw much of the demanding build as Technical Director)

I also had the support of the worlds greatest producer and bossman, Raphael Parry. He got me focused when I was worried about loosing focus, and gave me assurance when I was feeling unsure. He was supportive, nurturing and a dream come true. I've been The Director of Educational Tours under his tutelage for four years now. But during 12th Night he became something much deeper to me: a theatrical father. I owe him much.


(World's Greatest Boss! Pictured above: Me and Raphael Parry)

The school tour version opens Monday and it will nearly be all over from there. We're knocking this fucker down a running time of 2 hours and 10 minutes to a mere 45 minutes. Yes, really. The whole play in 45 minutes.


(Pictured above: Morning Coffee with Seth, myself, Kevin Julie and Valerie.)

It's been a daunting task, getting this story under that time. But just as she was in Addison and Samuell Grand, Valerie Hauss-Smith has been masterful in her dramaturge and adaptation. Don't know what I would have done without her. Our phenomenal stage manager, Jeremy Escobar, is returning to run the show... so all is right with the world.


(Stage Manager, Man of Action- Pictured above: Jeremy Escobar)

For the school tour version we lost three actors- the comedically stunning Nate Dendy, spitfire Rosaura Cruz and brilliant John Forkner who gave a stunningly repressed and psychosexual performance.


(Gender Bending- Pictured above: John Forkner as Malvolio and Valerie Hauss-Smith as Olivia. The stunning costumes are by Judy Wenzel.)

The actors that have continued to be a part of the school tour experience are very dear to me; flexible, courageous and totally into it: Scott Barber's eagerness as an actor and his superb craft as a musician, Tonys Ramirez's absolute scene drive and gobs of energy, Julie Osborn Mortons large eyes and sweetly painful longing, Marcus M. Mauldins demanding presence and basso voice, Kevin Grammers endearing befuddlement and bouncing ass, the duality of Valerie Hauss-Smith's aggressive sexuality and soft femininity, Seth Magill's tender heart and purely melodic speaking voice, and David Fluitt (who played Antonio in the original production and now takes over for the role of Malvolio in the school tour) who awes me with his authoritative charisma and command of the stage.

Below are some rehearsal shots of David as Malvolio.


(More Yellow Stockings- Pictured above: David Fluitt as Malvolio and Kevin Grammer as Andrew, on break at rehearsal.)


(Text Message Abuse: David Fluitt as Malvolio in rehearsals.)

With the opening of the touring version, I have certainly fallen in love with them all. It will be damn hard to say goodbye at the end of November when the tour ends.


(Pictured above, me pseudo-directing Kevin and Julie from behind.)

Still, what more could a director want?

Now my only problem is what will I do with my free time?

More theatre, I guess.


(Me and Da Boyz of 12th Night- pictured above from left to right: David Fluitt, Me, Marcus M. Mauldin. Bottom row: Tony Ramirez)

________________________________________

During the 12th Night rehearsals Assistiant Director Diana King would jot down all of the humerous quotes from week to week then send them to the cast and crew. Man, she was terrific! Here are some of my favorite quotes from the experience:


"It's a playful ethnic slur!" Me, dealing with Shakespeare's 16th Century sensibility.

"I could try not to be so beautiful." Seth, working hard.

"Hey! I could be selling myself!" Nate, always working on his characters backstory.

"What will you do when you get older and the shaft fails?" Marcus working on his through-line.

Kevin: "I love you Valerie."
Valerie: "I HATE you!"

"Somewhere in that scene, there's a porn movie." Me, exploring possibilities of freedom Shakespeare never could. Free your inner Willy!

"Hey! You're exciting and new!" Tony, finding the nuances of each of his scenes. Or quoting The Love Boat. Whichever.

"Feste's rock band? FESTE'S TESTES." Scott, and more great back story.

"Poor Andrew. His balls are so very, very blue. Just like his soul." Me, again giving to work with.

"Do you like to boo-ga-loo? I'm hung like a horse." Kevin, always ready to work.

"HAAaaay!!! I'm gonna sit in your lap!" Rosaura, after already sitting in my lap. Gotta love the subtle interactions that one or five margaritas will bring. Not complaining. Not complaining at all.

David: "Are you my Chewey?"
Seth: "ARRRRRR!"

"I need to feel FRESH!" Julie, finding inspiration.

"Maggie, I may be queer but them tits are lookin' FINE. Come're woman!"
My rewriting the character of Brick from Cat On A Hot Tin Roof, after Brick has at last experienced "The click." It's the best line Tennesse Williams never wrote!

"I'm gonna drop my pants and take a dump on stage!" Tony, always going for the cheap gag.

"Somebody's gonna be missing a nut soon!" Valerie, being herself.

"I can't. I will hurt my babies." John, for whom stage safety equals working testicles.

"I'm exfoliating my hands on your head." Diana, exploring beauty secrets with David.

Jeremy: "What's that lump in your pocket?"
Amanda: "Cancer!"

"Is Sebastian bi-polar?" Seth, again working hard.

"Sebastian's such a gentleman. Pussy. I mean gentleman." Me, giving to the actors.

And finally, this last exchange says it all...

Marco: "Oh god, I'm going to hell."
Kevin: "That's alright, we're all going!"


(Pictured above, me and Diana)

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The Cast of 12th Night:

JIM

There have been many, many voices raised over the issue of gay marriage this month. On Thursday morning someone with more eloquence than myself spoke up on gay marriage in our local paper, The Dallas Morning News. I found the manor of his guest column so moving, so affirming and touching I had to share it with you.

James, the writer, is also an acquaintance and a fellow theatre artist in Dallas. And he's every bit as kind and gracious in person as he is in print. Check out his views below.

________________________


On Thursday, November 3rd 2005 James Crawford in the Dallas Morning News wrote:

Last October, my partner and I got married at the First Unitarian Church of Dallas. It was a typical wedding in almost every way, except for one: We are both men. Our marriage is recognized by the church but has no legal standing.

We wanted to get married for a lot of the same reasons that most couples do.

We had fallen in love. We were convinced that we are going to spend our lives together. We wanted to make a spiritual, solemn commitment to one another, and we wanted to have it witnessed by the people we love.

We didn't set out to make a political statement. We wanted to celebrate love and family and commitment and joy.

One guest at our wedding was a young man from Wisconsin named Tim. Twenty years ago, my partner, Brooks, tried to sign up to be a Big Brother, but the organization turned him down because he was openly gay. Tim's mother, frustrated by the long waiting list, asked Brooks to befriend her 6-year-old son.

Though they have lived a thousand miles apart for many years now, Tim told me on the night before the wedding that Brooks is the closest thing to a real father he has ever known.

Tim and his girlfriend had a baby two years ago, and since then, he's gotten his real estate license while working another job. He wasn't dealt an easy hand in life, but he's been working hard to be a responsible young man. We're really proud of him.

Two days after our wedding, Tim called with big news: He had proposed to his girlfriend. He had never before been comfortable with the idea of marriage he'd thought of it as confining and burdensome.

The spirit of our ceremony seems to have left a big impression on him. On his flight home, he decided he was ready. How could we feel anything but happy at this ironic turn of events? We're thrilled to have inspired someone else's marriage. Marriage doesn't need to be defended from us.

I don't believe Proposition 2 is really about defending marriage. It's another attempt to legislate gay people out of existence, to deny us our rights as American citizens. Some conservatives seem to wish that gay people would just go away. The thing is, that's never going to happen. There have always been gay people, and there always will be.

By all means, let individual churches make their own decisions about whose marriages they choose to sanction, but I don't see how it can possibly be in the government's interest to discourage commitment by undermining gay couples.

Proposition 2 does this with a vengeance. It would amend the Texas Constitution to prohibit not only gay marriage, but also any similar arrangement, such as civil unions, which millions of Americans support.

Who is being served by denying lifetime companions the right to visit one another in the hospital? How can it be in anyone's best interest to make it harder for the children of gay couples to get health insurance?

It has become commonplace to talk about family values as if gay people don't have families. This is a fiction put forth by those who stand to gain by dividing us against one another.

We are your neighbors. When you're away, we look after your mail, lawn and pets. When cancer strikes the woman down the block, we drop off meals and offer rides to the hospital, just as you do.

We work side by side with you, though you may not know it. Perhaps you've noticed an absence of personal photographs on our desks. The same taxes that come out of your paycheck come out of ours.

We are members of your family. We are keeping children safe from harm and caring for elderly parents. In what matters most, our values are in line with yours. Our love is as strong as yours, and our morality is as deeply held. Our marriages are every bit as committed and precious and fragile as yours are.

Please vote no on Proposition 2. Your support of family, fairness and marriage demands it.

We're all in this together.

James Crawford is an actor and assistant professor of theater at Southern Methodist University. His partner is Dallas Morning News reporter Brooks Egerton. Mr. Crawford's e-mail address is: jimcraw21@aol.com

THE SAME

For the life of me I just don't fucking get it: why are straight people so freaked out by gay marriage? I think deep down it's all about fear of the unknown. Fear that if gay marriage becomes a reality it will take the world over like a black plague, wiping out the American Dream of the 50's that never really existed.

In all truth, if gay marriage ever becomes a reality straights have this to fear: gay men and lesbians will experience the same legal benefits as straights do with their spouses. Wow. You might also see a few more gay couples at work mixers. And you might hear a few more co-workers referring to their partners a bit more openly. But isn't that starting to happen already?

And guess what? That's pretty much all.

As far as the scenarios laid out by the 'righters' concerning polygamy and other odd legal situations... well, they may very well happen in the beginning. But then I'm sure courts in the USA see many, many, many bizarre case concerning the details of marriages between a man and a woman. They are fuckin' reaching with their dire warnings in these scenarios. Just reaching man.

Straight people often take the attitude that a gay person coming out is a showy in your face tact. "Why should I care what he does in the bedroom?! It's not my business." Here's the thing- being a gay man or lesbian is about MORE than sexual activity. Being gay is not just about sexual orientation. It absolutely informs everything else about you.

Think about this straight men, how different would you be if you subtract the part of your personality that's attracted to women? Now subtract that difference from your early adolescence and tell me it wouldn't completely change how you turned out as an adult? There you go. That's what coming out is like, and why it's such a big step in a gay persons life... its not just about who you sleep with; it's about the absolute CORE of WHO you are.

So tell me, how does the notion of two men marrying destroy the healthy foundation of an already married man and woman raising children? Again this hearkens back to my original theory; many straights believe you can "catch" gay. Or they think that the influence of homosexuality is so powerful, so evil it can easily sway the young and naive. Sorry, it doesn't work like that.

I think what DOES terrify many straights is the reality that they can have no control over something as basic as sexuality. Well, in all truth gays, just like straights, are simply born the way they are. Think about it- does a father really HAVE to teach his son to be attracted to women? Does a mother really HAVE to teach her daughter to be attracted to men? Nope, basic sexual development happens on its own. So, why and how would a gay person teach a youth in the throes of adolescence to be attracted to a person of his same sex? If that's the case, why (and how) would a heterosexual mother and a heterosexual father teach their children to be gay? Again, it just doesn't ever work that way.

While individuals CAN have an influence on the details of your sexual development (aesthetic preferences i.e. what turns you one), the truth is individuals cannot have an influence on gender attraction preferences. You are wired a certain way, and basic gender sexual attraction cannot be taught.

I also think straight people are terrified by what they imagine goes on in the bedrooms of gays and lesbians. Please imagine no more; like straights what most of us do in our bedrooms is pretty much what you do in your bedrooms: only the body parts vary. Afterwards, if both individuals are in love there is kissing, cuddling and sweet talk. Then the lights go out and we fall asleep.

Shocking, no?

I've said my peace. If you are heterosexual, married, in love and raising your kids to the very best of your parenting abilities tell me this; how will something like gay marriage EVER taint that?