NOT KID FRIENDLY

Despite the fact that I work in the children's educational entertainment industry, apparently I AM the Smut Master.

I am seemingly oblivious to the demands of inviting my friends and family over with their kids in tow. My apartment is already a bit on the uneasy side for most parents, as there are a fair amount of boobs and cocks on display in my abode, with my Italian and Greek sculptures and my nudie Waterhouse print.

My kid-oblivious nature was only magnified on a recent Christmas visit when Meanie spotted a completely un-family-friendly collage made by my good pal Sir Heinrich, consisting of hooker cards from Vegas sporting ample boobies and crotch. Fortunately, she hid it behind the legitimate, God-Loving Christmas cards before her two boys saw it.

I also enjoy putting in movies whilst I entertain. I have a sizable collection of art films that feature cool imagery, and I like to play them in the background (which I mute and re-score with music from my i-pod playing over it.) Sounds awesome, right? Works great with my adult friends. However, I am constantly forgetting that there are frequent, fleeting nude scenes in them. More than once I've dived for the remote as I realize there's a set of Independent Cinema Art House Knockers about to pop on the screen in full view of the children. God, save the children!!!

I'm also frequently playing my i-mixes and forgetting which tracks feature a more colorful commentary. "Uh, Marco..." I heard a concerned mom start once, only to realize Fatboy Slim or M.I.A. was dropping the F-Bomb over and over again right in front of her 10 year old child.

I'm surprised they ever want to come over to my dirty, dirty home. Sigh.

Wait, WHAT do I do for a living again?

Oh, right.

PREFERENCE

The first recollection of my own specific sexuality came with the cable viewing of John Boorman's Excalibur. I was 11. Nicol Williamson played Merlin. He sported a magnificent red beard, and donned a odd, really cool metal head helmet that gave him the most masculine vestige of a chrome dome you could imagine.



The minute I laid eyes on him, he turned me on; even if at that young age I didn't actually understand what that meant in regards to another man. His power, his authority, his hirsuteness were all intriguing and highly, highly potent in my young estimation. In many ways, he was the one who sent me on my way, and looking back I can see at lot of Merlin in some of the dudes I've dated.

Isn't it odd where things fall in the mind? How do our specific preferences get formed? (I'm not speaking of basic sexuality. This is why I dislike the term Sexual Preference in regards to straight, gay, bi- these things are NOT preferences for most people, but genetic directives.) I'm talking about the specifics of our likes. Why did this guy, above all of the other ones I'd seen on television and film, spark that appeal that I carry to this day for bald heads and facial hair? Why do some people like chocolate ice cream over all of the other flavors? (I'm a strawberry man, myself.)

I'm not complaining. At ALL. I dig the details of my preferences. They make me who I am, and in many ways, define me to others.

Still, I often return to my basic question again and again. Why Merlin?

Why not? Rawr!

SIGNS: 1 2 3

It's SO easy!

Conveniently located down the street in my neighborhood.

TEJAS

Sometimes, I wanna leave.

Despite all of my friends, my family, the good people I choose to work with over and over again; I just want to pack up and get the hell out of this state.

I live in the bible belt. That certainly wasn't my choice, as I was born and raised here. But because I have fallen in love with everyone who is a part of my life, in Texas I remain.

It's an odd, volatile time to be living in a conservative state. After eight years of conservative minded folks calling the shots, they have become exceptionally grumpy and paranoid about the new "liberal regime". A few months into Obama's stay in the White House, the freepers are STILL questioning his status as a US Citizen. The really, really STUPID senators are coming out of the woodwork offering opinions that illustrate their total lack-of-ideal and intellectual evolvement since the 1950's. When they're not doing that, they're outing themselves in really sad sex scandals. (Hey! Maybe this is all for the fucking best, right?)

Still, In a less conservative state, I might feel less bound. But what the fuck would happen to this country if all of us vacated to the more welcoming parts of the USA? Actually, it sounds a lot like the very segregation that the freepers seem to want.

Fuck 'em. My ass is staying put.