RACING HOUNDS

Nugget and I were driving down a busy street, when we sported them: two gorgeous greyhounds trotting down the side of the road, in perfect synchronized tandem, tall-posture perfect specimens of intense beauty and precision. These are the kind of dogs you take one look at and know they are worth a LOT of money. One was the classic deep grey with a shinny coat, the other an exotic light brown with perfect white oval spots all over his fur. And there they were, trotting down one of the busier streets in the city, causing cars to slow down and gawk, heads to turn, seemingly emerged from another world. It was not unlike a dream. It was surreal.

Suddenly, without any warning both dogs did a perfect double pivot and turned their bodies right into oncoming traffic. There was a loud squeal of cars as they slammed on their breaks skidding to a stop. Again, the dogs were oblivious to the danger, trotting carefree across the busy intersection, over four lanes of traffic, onto the safety of the sidewalk across the street.

At this point Nugget and I, having stopped the car to gawk at the dogs, launched out of the vehicle in an attempt to capture the clueless beasts.

As we neared them suddenly the dogs became aware of their situation and saw us as a threat, trotting faster away from us. Eventually, they scattered, one dog circling the parking lot and the other traveling further down the street. Almost immediately, we were joined by three people, two veterinarian assistants who, coincidentally, were employed at an animal clinic a shopping center down the street, and an well-to-do elderly lady who was driving a large, red minivan. All three of them had witnessed the same near accident and pulled their cars over out of concern.

With some careful two person placement, the first dog was captured easily, and seemed very happy to have been caught. The second dog (the one further down the street) was a problem, as he definitely feared the strange humans, but lingered as he didn't want to leave his captured mate. Eventually, the vet assistants caught him by enticing him with some dog food they had in their car.

With the dogs now captured and thrilled by the food and petting, we turned our attention to their collars for identification. The drama seemingly over, the vet assistants left us, just having come off their lunch break and needed to head back to work. While the elderly lady held one dog by a leash she just happened to have in her car, and I wrapped my fingers inside of the collar of the other dog to hold him steady, Nugg called the number listed on the tags. "It's an answering machine" Nugg murmured to us, before leaving a message and a return number.

"So, what do we do now?" he asked, hanging up the phone.

"There was an address on those tags, right?"

"Yeah, Prince Avenue. That's just down the street."

"Well, I'll drive the pooches there, if you boys will come with me" the elderly lady offered.

It took some additional coaxing, but we got the dogs into her red minivan and headed to the owners home.

As we pulled onto Prince Ave, we saw the house long before we saw it's actual address; the door was ajar. An ominous sign.

"Aw, shit. This doesn't look good, Nugg" I moaned.

The elderly lady pulled up behind us, and we all got out of our cars. We were quiet and grave, fearing the worse. I walked up to the door of the house. There was a phone ringing inside. I rang the doorbell twice. "Hello?" I called into the open door several times. No answer. No response. I heard within the recesses of the house an answering machine pick up. Some lady's voice. Leave a message, the recording said.

Beep.

"Bill, are you there?! Pick UP, Bill! I know you're there! Why aren't you picking UP?! I called the Doctor and we have to be there in a few minutes! I'm coming over Bill!

Click.

My blood ran cold. I went back to Nugg and The Elderly Lady and told them what I'd just heard.

"What if someone is inside hurt or worse? What if there was a break in and somebody is lying there, bleeding and unconscious? I think we have to go inside and see."

"I'm not going in!" Nugg blurted out immediately. The Elderly Lady looked at him, then at me. "Okay," she said "I'll go in with you." I turned and started me way back to the open front door. Nugg stayed behind and held the dog without the leash. The woman, bringing the leashed dog with her, followed me inside.

'Hello? Hello?" I continued to call, as we both inched our way, cautiously, through the strange home. A little deeper in, we could here music. In the living room, which was fully lit, we saw a large television, muted, and a large, old stereo turned to a radio station, left unattended. But nobody. No body.

The was a hallway connected to the living room. "I'm gonna go down there" I murmured to the woman. The dog seemed oddly calm; he was probably just happy to be home.

I inched my way down the hallway, continuing to call out. Each room I turned into, I expected to see a body, some blood, distress. The first bedroom was empty. The bathroom was empty. As I entered a second bedroom, I heard a familiar voice.

"Bill! I'm home! Why didn't you pick up the phone? We're going to the doctor! Now!"

She was in the house. Shit. Fuck. I was all the way in the back. Could I scramble out the door before she saw me? I immediately book it down the hall and into the living room.

I'm starting to say to the Elderly Lady "Let's go outside-" when SHE appears in the kitchen. "Bill, where-" She sees us and stops dead in her tracks, standing there in a women's business suit, a briefcase in one hand and her car keys in another. Her mouth is literally open, eyes wide in pure shock. And there we stand, a short, shaven-head young (ish) Latino and and elderly woman holding one of her dog's by the leash. I silently thank God for that elderly lady being with me. Being both Mexican and in her house without permission might have resulted to a trip to jail.

Immediately, both the Elderly Lady and myself begin babbling our story at once "Dogs in the road! Door Open! Phone message! Someone dead?! We so worried!"

After we're done with our outburst, the business woman is silent for a moment, then explodes in a torrent of anger.

"Goddammit! Bill was supposed to be home, and I threatened to take him to the doctor and he didn't pick up and left all the lights on in the house AND the door open! Those dogs are rescued racing greyhounds! He knows how much I love them and he just leaves the door open!!!!"

"Bill?" I ask. My adrenaline is going down; it looks like no one is dead and we're not going to be arrested.

"Bill is my teenage son. My stupid, stupid teenage son who's been faking being sick. I knew he was faking, which is why I told him he was going to the doctor this afternoon! And the little shit leaves! He let my dogs get out! The door was open?!"

"Yes, and the dogs were running across the road several blocks from here" the Elderly Lady replied.

"I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna KILL him. The dogs could have been killed! We could have been robbed, oh my GOD I am so pissed off right now!!! Wait- where's my other dog?"

We bring her outside where Doug, looking very white, has been waiting with her other greyhound. We reintegrate the business lady's story, much to her own personal embarrassment and profuse thanks for rescuing her dogs, and hand the other dog over to her.

"Well, I'm really sorry about this" I say. "Good luck with everything."

"Bill IS going to need good luck because I am going to kill him as soon as he gets his ass home" she growls.

We all wave goodbye, and Doug and I return to his truck.

"Wow..." is all Doug can say. "Wow."

SECOND ANNUAL KINDERTRAUMA HALLOWEEN PARADE

And I'm a part of it! Yay Aunt John and Uncle Lancifer! You can check me out in all of my innocent days O Halloween Youth here.

And Happy Halloween!

THE 7 BEST HORROR FILMS YOU'VE PROBABLY NEVER SEEN

Looking for some intelligent viewing this halloween? Sick of straight up slasher flicks and direct to DVD sequels for films you never saw or liked to begin with? I hear you. So, here's my recommendations for some awesome scary movies you can check out this week!

THE ORPHANAGE (2007)
A haunting, harrowing ghost story, mystery and thriller- this spanish film is a slow burner, then a nail biter, then an ending... well, not even I was prepared for how utterly, utterly blown away I was. And it's been a long, long while since a movie has emotionally pummeled me like this.

Husband and wife Carlos and Laura (Belen Rueda and Fernandy Cayo respectively) have purchased the old orphanage that Laura was raised in, with the intention of reopening and operating it as a new home for orphans. The have an adopted son, Simón (Roger Princep), who is HIV+. Simón, much to his adopted mother's dismay, has made several imaginary friends since the move into the old orphanage. During the opening party, Laura is attacked by a mysterious boy in a burlap mask and Simón vanishes without a trace.

Is Simón dead? Is the orphanage haunted? Was he taken by the ghosts of the children? If so, what do they want?

Fernandy Cayo, as Laura, gives a heartbreaking performance here. You'll feel her anguish every step of the way.

I'm convinced that this is on a very, very short list of amazing movies probably very few people in this country have seen. A harrowing, exquisite drama as written by Sergio G Sanchez and directed by Juan Antonio Bayona, The Orphanage will undoubtedly be one of the best films you'll see this year. Please do yourself a favor and check it out.


COROLINE (2009)
Henry Selick's adaptation of Neil Gaiman's book looks like mere kids stuff from the outside.

It's not.

In fact, I think it's probably the first ever horror film made for children. Coroline (voiced by Dakota Fanning) and her parents (voiced by Teri Hatcher and John Hodgman) has just moved into a dreary old home, away from her friends, with only her preoccupied parents and creepy neighbors to keep her company. In her lonely quest to keep herself entertained, she discovers a nifty alternate universe in which everyone in her life is accommodating, cheerful, and only exists to make her happy. However, she's a little unnerved that everyone is this seemingly better environment sports buttons for eyes. Soon, Coroline realizes that this alternate universe is not even remotely what it seems, and must plan a way to save herself, save her real parents, and seal it off forever.

I saw this in glorious Live 3D five times in theaters. The art direction is gorgeous, and Selick, who directed Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas, keeps his direction tight and nuanced. It's also creepy as hell, and definitely not for the very wee ones.

To speak of the distinct, aesthetic pleasure to be discovered within the film, as well as it's unsettling moments, would do you a great disservice. Also, skip the horrible 3D version available on disc (in its old school red and blue glasses nastiness) and just see it in straight-up 2D. You'll be glad you did.

[REC] (2007)
This Spanish reality-horror zombie-pandemic flick is a helluva ride. Directed by Jaume Balaguero and Paco Plaza, this spanish film very effectively captures the utter panic of the unknown. A young female host (Manuela Velasco, shrill and effective) of a docudrama series and her cameraman (Pablo Rosso) follow what would normally be a routine late night fireman call, except of course the night turns out to be anything but routine. Soon, they are quarantined in the apartment building and must fight to get out as the inhabitants become infected and murderous, one by one.

It certainly sounds like a typical zombie flick, but as shot through the single lens of the documentary camera man, this film puts us right there in the dark, death trap of a building. And really terrific performances utterly sell us on the terror of the moment. Plaza remade this as an American film called Quarantine a year ago, and I'm told it's a near shot-by-shot duplicate of [REC]. But why sit though that, when you can have the same story told in it's glorious native tongue?


APRIL FOOLS DAY (1986)
Skip the vapid, nearly un-identical remake that came out a couple of years ago, and go for this Eighties mystery / comedy slasher. A tragic injury occurs while nine rich college students set off for a friends island mansion, which sets the tone for the remainder of the coming April Fools day weekend. Soon, it's revealed that they all have some sort of hidden secret from their pasts. Oh, and they are also vanishing one by one. Who's killing them?

A stellar ensemble cast elevates the genre, which includes Deborah Foreman, Amy Steel, Leah Pinset and the ever-dry Deborah Godrich. The gents are Clayton Rohner, Jay Baker, Ken Olandt, Griffin O'Neal and Thomas F. Wilson. The seemingly cookie cuter premise is completely rejuvenated by the exceptionally stellar, funny script by Danilo Bach. As directed by Fred Walton, this nifty little Eighties spookster keeps the thrills coming and the viewers guessing.

BUNNY LAKE IS MISSING (1965)
Maestro director Otto Preminger (Laura) helms this dark, controversial classic with an assured, iron-clad hand. Adapted from the novel by Marryam Modell and written by John and Penelope Mortimer, this sleek thriller has many moments of outright horror to justify my putting it on this list.

Ann Lake has just moved to England, having come from America to live with her brother, Stephen. The following morning arrives late to enroll her daughter, Bunny, into a private school. With no one at the front desk to great them, she goes into the kitchen and finds the school's female cook. In desperate need to continue with her morning errands, she leaves Bunny with said cook and vows to return in the afternoon to finish enrolling Bunny in the school.

That afternoon, Ann returns to find Bunny is missing. So is the school cook. Worse, no one at the school has actually seen Bunny. The police arrive and, degree by degree, begin to doubt Bunny actually exists. Is Bunny real? Is Ann delusional?

A calculated, methodical creepiness is the hallmark of this film, and it will frequently chill you with its psychological implications. Carol Lynley, Keir Dullea, Noel Coward and Laurence Olivier round out the impressive cast. Shot in glorious black and white, Bunny Lake Is Missing will thrill and chill.

LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (2008)
A quiet drama masquerading as a horror film, Tomas Alfredson's swedish film is adapted from John Ajvide Lindqvist's novel of the same name. A twelve year old boy named Oskar (Kare Hedebrant), overrun by bullies, is intrigued by his new neighbor, 12 year old Eli (Lina Leandersson) who strikes him as both wise and frustratingly vague. Soon, they become friends. The problem? Eli has been 12 for over 200 years.

Subtle and full of subtext, Let The Right One In manages to portray young budding love admists the great horror of Oskar and Eli's circumstance. There also enough outright grisly horror to recommend this as Halloween viewing. Unsettling and ultimately mesmerizing, I can't recommend this enough. Oh, and make sure you turn the subtitles on. The dubbed voice version of the flick (both available on the same disc) is terrible.

THE STEPFATHER (1987)
A great example on how a fairly conventional horror film can be substantially elevated by a single performance. Teenager Stephanie Maine (Jill Schoelen ) has begun to question the intentions of her new Stepfather, who bit by bit, reveals himself to be a less than ideal new daddy. As a man who preys on un-fathered families, Terry O'Quinn is the reason to watch this dark gem, just released on DVD this month to coincide with the less-than-stellar remake, currently playing in theaters.

Still looking for more horror to watch this Halloween? The check out my recommendations for last year, here.

HALLOWEEN- IT'S ALL ABOUT THE LURVE

All you need to know about this exchange is that Chris and Marvin are husbands, and therefore housemates. Click to embiggen.

WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE



Where The Wild Things Are did not disappoint my monstrous expectations. In fact, I think it's the best film of the year thus far.

If this year's visually brilliant Coraline was, possibly, this first ever horror film for children, then Where The Wild Things Are also deserves equal kudos for that rarest of animals: a film about childhood that's not really quite intended for children. As adults seeing this movie, we look back, smile, weep over our own recollections of being a kid in all of its messy, savage, tender confusion. Add this years startling unique Up to the mix, and we have had before us a terrific year of rich, nuanced and off-beat family films. And that's something that inspires me very, very much.

Where The Wild Things Are is a subtle, angsty, violent and glorious portrait of nearly all of our boyhoods. Go see it.

POLITICS AS (NOT SO) USUAL

I realize I've been pretty damn quiet about gay issues since the weeks that followed Obama's election campaign win. I remember being so, so angry on election day, thinking that Proposition 8 would get the shaft in the media.

How wrong I was. Remember when the issue of gay marriage was used solely as a political divider in the previous presidential election? In the span of a few short months, gay issues have gone absolutely, utterly mainstream. Don't Ask, Don't Tell (or DADT), Marriage Equality and a regretful slew of recent hate crimes have pushed gay politics into the absolute mainstream.

It's almost enough to make my head spin. But I'm proud f my people, proud of our supporters too. the voices are getting angrier, louder, more demanding. The opposition, panicked, knows they already have lost the battle; with the Catholic church and the ultra-conservatives resorting to spreading misinformation and lies to keep their battle-lines strong. But we'll keep pushing back. It's only a matter of time, now. Time and perseverance.

A New Music Obsession

I recently discovered the coolest unsigned band I'd ever seen on the internet: Pomplamoose, a two person band comprised of Nataly Dawn and Jack Conte. I've become so obsessed with their music over the last week. Jack, who also has a solo career, also has his own mesmerizing sound that I can't get enough of.

Simply put, these guys rock my world. They shoot their videos for their songs as they actually record them (no lip or instrument synching allowed, they often say.)

Check out the Pomplamoose YouTube page here. Check out their music page, where you can download free and buyable mp3's, here. Here are Jack's solo YouTube and Music pages. And here are Natalie's Music and YouTube pages as well.

Below, a sampling of their innovative videos, both covers and original songs. Expect knocked off socks. Enjoy.

SIGNS: STUCK

This comes from the tire place where I get my car serviced. Never fails to make me chuckle.

FRESH

"Wakey, wakey- the day's for takey!"

She burrowed deeper beneath the covers. God, he was in a disgusting mood. How could a man who was not only committed to the Pittsburgh Steelers but often left his filthy underwear lying around the house become such a fucking June Clever on the mere rise of the sun?

"Honey? Honey? Come on! It's our day off, let's get up and DO something!"

She groaned under the covers. Nope. Scratch June Clever. He was more like Mary Poppins. Marry Poppins after popping uppers. Lots of them. "The fucking pill popping Poppins bitch," she muttered, still half asleep.

"What was that, cupcake? I can't hear you under those covers!" he sung, completely flinging the covers off her body. Groaning loudly, she curled her naked, sleeping form in a fetal ball upon the violation, turning her back to him.

"Cupcake? CUUUUUUUPCAKE?! Common, don't be that way. Get up! Let's get outside and smell that morning air!"

On that, she reached around, cupped her hand under her naked asscheck, peeled it back, and proceeded to rip the loudest and longest far he had ever heard coming from a woman.

"Oh! Honey, HONEY! That's sick! Sick!!!"

As he went fleeing from the room, she smiled and pulled the covers back over her head.

"Smell that morning air, cupcake" she sighed as she fell back asleep.

I LIKE TO E-MAIL: REALISM

Subject line of a recent spam e-mail:

If your whole life is shit, at least you can have a decent watch on.

Now that's advertising that cuts to the core!

FAGOTTRON aka POGO

Some of the most original house groove you'll ever hear can be currently found on YouTube.

A young musician and sound / visual editing genius is knocking out some of the most startling original content, which takes samples of music and dialogue from family films, then lays in (usually) sine wave bass and original percussion, creating a completely original tapestry of sound. He also edits his music videos himself, and the final product often completely celebrates its subject matter, while cutting deeper to the subject mater of the film itself. The results are kooky, astonishing, and sometimes even sweetly moving. As a sound designer, I completely realize how intensely difficult his stuff is to pull off, and pull it off he does- beautifully.

View his video for Scrumdiddlyumptious here.

View his video for Alohomora here.

View his video for Alice here.

And, my favorite- view his video for Expialidocious here.

Lastly, I'd suggest subscribing to his videos on YouTube here.

Enjoy!

WILD

I have not been this excited about a movie in a long, long, looooooong time.

The design, the organic look of the film, is fairly sending me over the edge right now. I have a feeling this is going to be one of my all-time favorite films. Like, ever.

AH, YES, THE SURGERY THING...

How fast does a week seem! I tore my meniscus on my left knee this past February while fencing. Fives months later, it never felt like it had healed right. So, I got a referral and saw a specialist. An MRI concluded that my meniscus was indeed torn, and that I should have surgery to have the town area removed.

A week later, I was on the table having the procedure.

After wards, I kept waiting for the pain to happen. Waiting and waiting. Never came. I was never on painkillers, and the worst of it was the day after, which I would describe as minor discomfort and tenderness. That was it. I progressed quickly, and at the follow up appointment I was told I could return to everyday, normal walking. The knee is expected to fully recover in three weeks.

My mother stayed with me for the first few days, and it was delightful spending time with her. Doug was also very sweet, driving me there and back, getting my meds and visiting. Jamie made sure the fridge was well-stocked in his absence.

It goes without saying that I could not have gotten through this without my mother and father. They were there when I needed them most. Thank you, guys.


Taken the morning after surgery.



Wanna lick it?



The icing happens several times a day. Ugh.



Surgery results, exactly one week later. Walking nearly 100% normally, and no limp!



I even got to keep a piece of my meniscus!


It's been such a blessing that this has all gone so smoothly. But I DO think someone needs to buy me this t-shirt! Ha!

TAB, PT 4

Finally got some photos taken of the final "leg armor" inks. I filled out the back of the left design, which was twice as painful as the right leg had been. I also got my third coat of ink in the right leg, and after all was said and done it finally looks pretty even. I dig 'em, and isn't that all that counts?


Fresh, fresh inkage (pictured above.) The plastic stays on for a few hours before the first wash. It's a little bloody.

Final product, many weeks later. VERY pleased with the results! Make sure you hit up my man, Micheal C, if you're thinking of getting one of your own.

"Because you're not what I would have you be, I blind myself to who, in truth, you are."

-Madeleine L'Engle